CHRIST - THE MOVIE (1990)

CHRIST - THE MOVIE (1990) (UR) Dir. Mick Duffield
82 mins.

Crass was a punk band formed in the late 70's that espoused a philosophy of anarchism, feminism, pacifism, and anti-commercialism louder than any of their peers at the time. There is no "liking" Crass, it would seem; people either love them or hate them. Cacophony reigned supreme at their shows, and at any given time there could be up to four singers on stage, backed by a wall of guitars and bass and incessant snare rolls. Behind all that hootenanny would be, projected on a large screen, short films depicting gruesome images and sounds of the human condition. Those short films formed a trilogy, and were compiled by director Mick Duffield into Christ - The Movie, six years after the band broke up.

The first and second parts of the trilogy are called Autopsy and Choosing Death, respectively. They are relatively similar in tone. The footage is mostly Duffield using a camera to film a television, pretty much any random program on it, and then editing the footage into a preapocalyptic wakeup call to the viewer. There is a lot of juxtaposition going on; sitcoms are juxtaposed with slaughterhouse footage, and commercials with stock war footage. Inevitably, analogies are made between the two and the results are disturbing, to say the least. Duffield also employs a lot of stock footage, and sparsely drops a few bits of Crass live in there as well. Crass is arguably one of the first rock bands to employ samples, and many of them are included here, sometimes in their original context, and they're mixed and spliced with sweeping ambient and industrial noise.

Yes Sir, I Will, which constitutes a bulk of this movie, is a little different. Whereas the last two segments had little of Crass' music, this one actually plays the Yes Sir, I Will album in its entirety whilst Duffield's trippy and violent images strobe, seemingly in step with the jarring beats. Since this album is only one-track and filled with rants against the War in the Falklands, the footage has less sarcasm than the last two in the trilogy, and is instead more directly political. It's very basically comprised of war footage, atrocities and casualties (a lot of atomic bomb victims living and dead are shown throughout all three segments of the film), military pomp, and political leaders. There's a few other things in there as well. This is the longest segment, and although I like it, I don't think it is as strong as the satirical cynicism of the first two.

Yet, overall I love this film. Many hate it, but fuck them. It's not for everybody. Much of the real-life gore could be offensive to some viewers, but then why are you on this blog? The unrelenting visual and aural barrages, the choppy editing, and the post-atomic angst are meant as an affront to the audience's senses, and it accomplishes that goal in spades. For me, it's just fun to look at. I'd call this Tripscreen, but I bet for a lot of folks this is the brown acid. 7/10

MIRAI NINJA (1988)

MIRAI NINJA (1988) (UR) Dir. Keita Amemiya
aka CYBER NINJA
72 mins.

 

Mirai Ninja is a live action scifi/fantasy, sort-of in the style of The Guyver. Therefore expect guys in rubber costumes. Though I normally associate rubber suits with schlock like the Power Rangers, here it's actually pulled off rather well; I am especially impressed with the fight choreography, considering the giant, bulky costumes and headpieces the actors are wearing.

 

The film's aesthetic is a nice mix of medieval Japan and futurist technology. Samurais carry both katana and phaser rifles, and wear little readers on the side of their heads that read their ki levels, a la Dragonball Z. ...And there are crazy mechanized vehicles. There are flying houses, tank houses, giant pagoda railguns, and AT-AT Walkers made out of little wooden shacks.

 

Take that, Lucas!

 

The story follows the attempts of the Suwabeh Clan in defeating the Dark Overlord's army of mechanical ninjas. Now, stay with me. The Dark Overlord (who resembles Zordon) lives in the Fortress of Darkness (of course) and aims to be reborn with help of his priest Raimei (your Palpatine for the evening, and exposition dumptruck). Raimei channels the Overlord's commands to the mechanical ninja forces and their general Shoki. Whew. Now, the mechanical ninjas are seriously fucking up the Suwabeh Clan, they force their Princess Saki into hiding and just bitchslap the Suwabeh army of cyber-samurai in a battle closely resembling the Battle of Hoth in The Empire Strikes Back.

 

Shiranui's design is inspired by Robocop and the Predator,
 yet he oddly resembles Ryu Hayabusa from the Ninja Gaiden series.

 

During this mass crush of the Suwabeh, a warrior named Hiu-Kaku goes missing and is presumed dead. Surprise! Raimei nabs him and with cybernetics and magic turns him into Robo....errr Shiranui, the Mirai Ninja. Shiranui rebels against Raimei and delights in slaughtering mechanical ninjas like the sale ends tomorrow. When Princess Saki is eventually (and obviously) kidnapped, the Suwabeh hire a ronin named Akagi to rescue her. Akagi selects five of the Suwabeh warriors with the strongest ki, and together they sneak into the Fortress of Darkness. There they must team up with the Mirai Ninja in order to survive the multiple waves of attack by Shoki and his minions, save Princess Saki, and stop the Dark Overlord before the solar eclipse releases him in this world... got all that?

 

The noble Shoki.

 

This film was released by the game company Namco, who released an arcade game based on the film, as well. Which is appropriate, because this movie feels like a video game. Its kinetic pacing, bright colors, beautiful matted establishing shots, hilarious greenscreens, and Batman-esque dutch angles all capture this quality quite accurately. The movie is a cheesefest for sure, but it takes itself seriously. The designs are awesome and the effects are inventive, even if they are imperfect or dated. The acting is what is to be expected, but props to the actor playing Akagi, he does his best to channel Toshiro Mifune, and it makes him stand out amongst the cast. The score is cheap 80's synth that sounds like one half The Legend of Zelda and one half Peter Jackson's Braindead. Oh, and it clearly lifts The Terminator theme as well.

 

Raimei doing his best Lo Pan impersonation.

 

Obviously this movie quotes heavily from the Star Wars franchise (and thus, The Hidden Fortress), but also Predator, Aliens, Ghostbusters, Big Trouble in Little China, and Robocop, just to name a few. I'm hesitant to call it a disasterpiece, as I genuinely enjoyed the film, but it comes close. It's absurdist, but it knows it. Does that make it art? Either way, it's very entertaining and at 72 minutes, it doesn't outstay its welcome.

 

If you've ever wondered where the hell shit like RoboGeisha comes from, here is a clue. 6/10 

THE HITCHER (1986)

THE HITCHER (1986) (R) Dir. Robert Harmon
97 mins.

 

 

Another one I wish I had seen sooner. Rutger Hauer plays the titular role, and is picked up in the desert, from out of the rain, by Jim Halsey (C. Thomas Howell). Hauer brandishes a switchblade and things go downhill for Jim fast. Jim eventually miraculously escapes the maniac, but the hitcher keeps returning in a marvelous game of cat and mouse that results in Jim's being framed for Hauer's murder spree. Jim is arrested but escapes (you'll just have to see it to see how), and the game becomes essentially a high-octane version of The Farmer in the Dell, where it's the police vs. Jim (although he does take an ally) vs. the hitcher... with lots of car chases, lots of explosions, and lots of mini-strokes in anticipation as to what will happen next. Now, I just gave a few scenes away, but no more! The film is pretty unpredictable, with lots of twists and turns, and they just keep coming scene after scene.

 

Police versus...

 

First thing of note is the top-notch cinematography. I mean top-fucking-notch. The camera dances around the movements of the actors and its quite breathtaking at times. The opening sequence in the car cab is so claustrophobic and intense. Even when the movie switches to the open desert (in glorious, glorious widescreen), cars drive by or people or weapons are thrust into the camera. These invasions of the screen again reinforce the claustrophobia, even in open areas, and maintain the audience's parasympathetic reactions throughout the film. This fucking camera absolutely defines the movie's heavy themes of helplessness and enclosure.

 

Jim versus...

 

Another heavy theme throughout is the gay undercurrent between Jim and the hitcher. The hitcher grabs Jim's leg early in the movie, and every time he corners Jim he near kisses him when making threats. When Jim spits in his face, the hitcher rubs the saliva on his fingers and into his face and lips. It's very sexual in nature, and it makes a movie from 1986, much like Freddy's Revenge the year before, very subversive for its time.

 

...THE HITCHER

 

Now Rutger Hauer is amazing in this. Totally creepy, totally believable. I didn't see him as a replicant or a blind swordsman all; I saw this scary fucking creep. He NAILED this role, pun intended. But here's the problem: C. Thomas Howell. He is very convincing and earnest at certain points in this movie, especially the beginning, but in many scenes he just comes of as goofy and really hammy. It's just a little incongruent with the sweat-dripping perfection that Hauer is in his role. Really, that's about the only flaw I can find with this film, and it's mildly distracting at best.

 

Oh, and the score's great. 8/10

 

 

JUST BEFORE DAWN (1981)

JUST BEFORE DAWN (1981) (R) Dir. Jeff Lieberman
90 mins.

This is a gem. It's got the same tropes and stereotypes as every other slasher film of the era, but it's just executed so effectively. Five kids head into the mountains of Oregon, as their de facto leader Warren has acquired a plot there, and they plan on camping on the land, you know, just to check it out. It is established early on that Warren, an experienced scout, is the key to the others surviving in the deep, impenetrable forest.

 

Along the way they meet a ranger played by veteran actor George Kennedy, who warns them not to proceed further. In true early slasher fashion, they ignore his warning and head up the mountain anyhow. Further down the road they meet a drunkard (Mike Kellin of Sleepaway Camp) who's just witnessed his nephew's murder. He begs the group for help, but in his incoherent mumblings, they ignore him and drive away.

 

 

They set up camp, play some jokes on each other, and whilst dancing (to some swanky electro-funk)around the campfire their first night, they are visited by an old backwoods man, shotgun in hand, along with his wife and daughter. He ominously threatens the group with the gun, saying that if they do not leave that night, they will wake "the devil". This is three warnings, folks. THREE. Yet the group remains defiant and stay on the mountain.

 

 

Well, some 300 pound oafish motherfucker in a checkered shirt and mask starts eliminating the group. Go figure. There are however, many twists in this movie, which I won't spoil, that are from left field and thus highly welcome in this sort of film.

 

The score was achieved as the composer whistled and blew into his microphone, and though its used sparsely throughout the feature, it is imposing and spooky. Added to the lush cinematography and wonderful location scouting, it creates the kind of atmosphere that DEFINES good horror. Gloomy, claustrophobic, and oppressive. The editing is pretty poor, I have to admit. The script is meh, pretty much standard fare for this sort of thing, and the acting, for the most part, mimics this. However two actors stand out: Gregg Henry as Warren and Deborah Benson as Constance. These two characters start at one point and end up completely transformed by the end. It's a great narrative arc, and seeing their gender roles slowly erode in the shadow of an imminent threat is truly unique.

 

 

Despite its clichés, Just Before Dawn is one of the finest, if not obscure, examples of the slasher genre. One part Friday the 13th (though the director has shown nothing but disdain for that film) and one part Deliverance (from which its inspired), this is a great addition to the hixploitation slasher subgenre. 7/10

 

 

HEAVY TRAFFIC (1973)

HEAVY TRAFFIC (1973) (X) Dir. Ralph Bakshi
77 min.

 

 

This film is pure and utter nihilism. Unfettered. And it's beautiful. A handful of Bakshi's films (Fritz the Cat, Coonskin) have garnered controversy for his portrayal of racial stereotypes and Heavy Traffic is no exception. It's offensive to every race and creed, and it's bleak, hopeless and violent. Yet, naysayers of these films were only the seeing them for the exteriors, and not the internal message. Which is WE'RE ALL FUCKED.

 

The city of dreams, people.

 

Seriously, this movie uses an amazing mixture of animation, live action, and stock footage to portray a world on the brink of extinction, both macro and micro. Animated scenes containing multiple murders and stock footage scenes of bombing raids are juxtaposed with our live action protagonist playing pinball, with a deep sense of ennui.

 

The protagonist is Mike, a dropout, unemployed artist that lives with his domestically abusive Italian father and Jewish mother. He is depressed, a virgin, and only finds solace in the violent art he makes. To escape their fights, he wanders around the city, conversing with the local wildlife and drinking at a local bar, tended by Carole (a quick-witted, razor-tongued black woman), and patroned by Shorty, a legless bouncer, and the transsexual Snowflake (who enjoys being beaten by burly men).

 

 

Carole loses her job and moves in with Mike, much to the chagrin of Shorty. They begin a relationship but leave the flat when Mike's racist mafioso dad finds them together. Living on the street, Mike fails at selling his art, so he tries his hand at pimping Carole, with lackluster results. Meanwhile, Mike's father is taking a hit out on his son...

 

It's needless to go on, but all does not end well. It doesn't begin well. IT WAS NEVER WELL.

 

Warning: film may rupture your skull.

 

But surely I must digress, because the animation in this film, including the transitions and matting of live action and stock, is absolutely stunning. It's psychedelic and grimy and gorgeous. The musical score, the cinematography, and the writing are all superb. It's a fucking masterpiece of American cinema and animation and it belongs in a museum. 9/10

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 2 (1987)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 2 (1987) (R) Dir. Lee Harry
88 min.

Billy Caldwell was a young boy when he witnessed the murder of his parents by a psycho dressed in a Santa suit. In the aftermath, he and his little brother are sent to an orphanage where they are routinely abused by the dread Mother Superior, who drills into their young minds that sex is naughty and punishment is absolute. After he leaves the orphanage Billy gets a job at a little toy store but snaps and goes on a murder spree when he is made to dress as Santa in-store. He seeks out "naughty" teens and adults and punishes them with his trusty ax. All this culminates into a final showdown between Billy and Mother Superior. The is the first Silent Night, Deadly Night.

 

Why am I summarizing the first Silent Night Deadly Night? Well, that's because 50% of the sequel is comprised of flashbacks to the original.

 

The flashbacks are narrated by Ricky, Billy's little brother, who is in a sanitarium and recounting these events (many which are impossible for Ricky to have remembered) to his psychologist. Once this narration switches from Billy's story to Ricky's this movie really begins to shine.

 

Ricky is played by the infamous Eric Freeman, and his performance in this role is the stuff of legend. Not because it is Oscar worthy mind you, but because it's so exaggeratedly over the top and bad, it becomes hilariously awesome. The jacked up actor laughs maniacally at the drop of a dime, has amazingly cheeseball one-liners and hypnotically moves his eyebrows like they are doing jumping jacks. 

 

 

In the movie's new footage, we see that Ricky is adopted from the orphanage by the Rosenbergs due to their lack of Christmas spirit. He is a seemingly normal teenager until he spots a man in a field trying to rape his girlfriend. So Ricky gets all chivalrous and runs the guy over in his own jeep. Again, and again. Classic.

 

Though trying to live a normal life, like getting a job and a girlfriend, Ricky can't stop intermittently killing those he deems naughty. Then after being egged on by his girlfriend's ex, Ricky goes on a full on rampage of epic proportions. This entire rampage scene is simply glorious and is the source of the infamous "Garbage Day!" meme.

 

This is what ultimately leads to Ricky's incarceration and once he's finished recounting his story to the doctor, he escapes the institution and aims to finish his older brother's work: the death of Mother Superior.

 

 

This sequel is tedious at first if you've seen the original, but the new material is laugh out loud funny with its comically silly acting, writing, violence and lack of logic. It has become a cult classic in the same vein as Troll 2 and The Room for a very good reason; it deserves to be in such company. Rabid fans have been trying to find the elusive Eric Freeman for years, and for a while it seemed to no avail, but a little Christmas miracle happened in 2013 and the king of eyebrows resurfaced once again.

 

Mandatory viewing for lovers of camp. 7/10

View the trailer:

SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE (1986)

SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE (1986) (R) Dir. Carol Frank
74 min.

This Roger Corman-produced gem has nothing to do Slumber Party Massacre, and is instead a hokey, near-remake of Halloween 1 with the twist ending of 2.

 

Robert Hinkle escapes from a mental institution (not as easily as Ricky Caldwell, I might add, but easily enough) and returns to the childhood home where he had killed his family years before. Now the house is a sorority and a group of girls lead by Beth are moving in. Beth begins having inexplicable visions after as she enters the sorority. Meanwhile, the escaped killer approaches.

 

 

Genre aficionados will take no time telling where this plot is headed and everything in it is tired and 100% predictable. However, these faults are almost forgivable for the movie's earnestness and charming cable, made for Lifetime Chanel vibe. Certain shots, scenes, angles and lighting are shamelessly ripped from Halloween; more than I have ever seen in a typical Halloween ripoff. I mean, there are Bruno Mattei-esque moments of thievery here. The music is atrocious, performed by a soloist on a primitive synthesizer (which was becoming the norm of that time) and the movie could have been greatly improved with a more poundingly ominous score. No gore, but plenty of brutal retractable knifings reminiscent of Italian Giallo.

 

Look familiar?

 

When groups of girls have a friend who isn't around, do they get naked and have montages of trying on that girl clothes? Creepy. 4/10