HEAVY TRAFFIC (1973)

HEAVY TRAFFIC (1973) (X) Dir. Ralph Bakshi
77 min.

 

 

This film is pure and utter nihilism. Unfettered. And it's beautiful. A handful of Bakshi's films (Fritz the Cat, Coonskin) have garnered controversy for his portrayal of racial stereotypes and Heavy Traffic is no exception. It's offensive to every race and creed, and it's bleak, hopeless and violent. Yet, naysayers of these films were only the seeing them for the exteriors, and not the internal message. Which is WE'RE ALL FUCKED.

 

The city of dreams, people.

 

Seriously, this movie uses an amazing mixture of animation, live action, and stock footage to portray a world on the brink of extinction, both macro and micro. Animated scenes containing multiple murders and stock footage scenes of bombing raids are juxtaposed with our live action protagonist playing pinball, with a deep sense of ennui.

 

The protagonist is Mike, a dropout, unemployed artist that lives with his domestically abusive Italian father and Jewish mother. He is depressed, a virgin, and only finds solace in the violent art he makes. To escape their fights, he wanders around the city, conversing with the local wildlife and drinking at a local bar, tended by Carole (a quick-witted, razor-tongued black woman), and patroned by Shorty, a legless bouncer, and the transsexual Snowflake (who enjoys being beaten by burly men).

 

 

Carole loses her job and moves in with Mike, much to the chagrin of Shorty. They begin a relationship but leave the flat when Mike's racist mafioso dad finds them together. Living on the street, Mike fails at selling his art, so he tries his hand at pimping Carole, with lackluster results. Meanwhile, Mike's father is taking a hit out on his son...

 

It's needless to go on, but all does not end well. It doesn't begin well. IT WAS NEVER WELL.

 

Warning: film may rupture your skull.

 

But surely I must digress, because the animation in this film, including the transitions and matting of live action and stock, is absolutely stunning. It's psychedelic and grimy and gorgeous. The musical score, the cinematography, and the writing are all superb. It's a fucking masterpiece of American cinema and animation and it belongs in a museum. 9/10

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 2 (1987)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 2 (1987) (R) Dir. Lee Harry
88 min.

Billy Caldwell was a young boy when he witnessed the murder of his parents by a psycho dressed in a Santa suit. In the aftermath, he and his little brother are sent to an orphanage where they are routinely abused by the dread Mother Superior, who drills into their young minds that sex is naughty and punishment is absolute. After he leaves the orphanage Billy gets a job at a little toy store but snaps and goes on a murder spree when he is made to dress as Santa in-store. He seeks out "naughty" teens and adults and punishes them with his trusty ax. All this culminates into a final showdown between Billy and Mother Superior. The is the first Silent Night, Deadly Night.

 

Why am I summarizing the first Silent Night Deadly Night? Well, that's because 50% of the sequel is comprised of flashbacks to the original.

 

The flashbacks are narrated by Ricky, Billy's little brother, who is in a sanitarium and recounting these events (many which are impossible for Ricky to have remembered) to his psychologist. Once this narration switches from Billy's story to Ricky's this movie really begins to shine.

 

Ricky is played by the infamous Eric Freeman, and his performance in this role is the stuff of legend. Not because it is Oscar worthy mind you, but because it's so exaggeratedly over the top and bad, it becomes hilariously awesome. The jacked up actor laughs maniacally at the drop of a dime, has amazingly cheeseball one-liners and hypnotically moves his eyebrows like they are doing jumping jacks. 

 

 

In the movie's new footage, we see that Ricky is adopted from the orphanage by the Rosenbergs due to their lack of Christmas spirit. He is a seemingly normal teenager until he spots a man in a field trying to rape his girlfriend. So Ricky gets all chivalrous and runs the guy over in his own jeep. Again, and again. Classic.

 

Though trying to live a normal life, like getting a job and a girlfriend, Ricky can't stop intermittently killing those he deems naughty. Then after being egged on by his girlfriend's ex, Ricky goes on a full on rampage of epic proportions. This entire rampage scene is simply glorious and is the source of the infamous "Garbage Day!" meme.

 

This is what ultimately leads to Ricky's incarceration and once he's finished recounting his story to the doctor, he escapes the institution and aims to finish his older brother's work: the death of Mother Superior.

 

 

This sequel is tedious at first if you've seen the original, but the new material is laugh out loud funny with its comically silly acting, writing, violence and lack of logic. It has become a cult classic in the same vein as Troll 2 and The Room for a very good reason; it deserves to be in such company. Rabid fans have been trying to find the elusive Eric Freeman for years, and for a while it seemed to no avail, but a little Christmas miracle happened in 2013 and the king of eyebrows resurfaced once again.

 

Mandatory viewing for lovers of camp. 7/10

View the trailer:

SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE (1986)

SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE (1986) (R) Dir. Carol Frank
74 min.

This Roger Corman-produced gem has nothing to do Slumber Party Massacre, and is instead a hokey, near-remake of Halloween 1 with the twist ending of 2.

 

Robert Hinkle escapes from a mental institution (not as easily as Ricky Caldwell, I might add, but easily enough) and returns to the childhood home where he had killed his family years before. Now the house is a sorority and a group of girls lead by Beth are moving in. Beth begins having inexplicable visions after as she enters the sorority. Meanwhile, the escaped killer approaches.

 

 

Genre aficionados will take no time telling where this plot is headed and everything in it is tired and 100% predictable. However, these faults are almost forgivable for the movie's earnestness and charming cable, made for Lifetime Chanel vibe. Certain shots, scenes, angles and lighting are shamelessly ripped from Halloween; more than I have ever seen in a typical Halloween ripoff. I mean, there are Bruno Mattei-esque moments of thievery here. The music is atrocious, performed by a soloist on a primitive synthesizer (which was becoming the norm of that time) and the movie could have been greatly improved with a more poundingly ominous score. No gore, but plenty of brutal retractable knifings reminiscent of Italian Giallo.

 

Look familiar?

 

When groups of girls have a friend who isn't around, do they get naked and have montages of trying on that girl clothes? Creepy. 4/10

THE MUTILATOR (1985)

THE MUTILATOR (1985) (R) Dir. Buddy Cooper
aka FALL BREAK
86 min.

It's Big Ed's birthday and Little Ed decides to polish Daddy' guns as a surprise. Well, surprise! Dad's rifle goes off in Little Ed's hands and kills his mother in the next room. Big Ed comes home and proceeds to go insane. This dialogue-less opening, which is clearly meant to be shocking, is unintentionally hilarious.

 

 

Many years later, Little Ed is all grown up, and his Dad, a raging alcoholic, calls his son and tells him he has to tend to his beach house while he's away. So Little Ed, his girlfriend, and a few friends head to the beach. The problem is that Big Ed isn't away, he's sleeping in the workshed, and is hellbent on revenge.

 

 

From there on, the movie is a typical slasher fare as one by one Big Ed dispatches of his son's friends. The Mutilator leaves a lot to be desired. It's fun and hokey, for sure, but with a title like "The Mutilator" I expected more... mutilations. The gore it does have is good, and the nefarious fish-hook-in-the-vagina scene is every bit as mean-spirited as it's reputed, but the atrocious script and ridiculously bad acting leave, what should have a been a tense movie, belly up. Oh, and the theme song. What the hell was that? 6/10

 

 

REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS (1986)

REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS (1986) (R) Dir. Tom DeSimone
94 mins.

 

 

Jenny is a driver for a heist with her boyfriend (?). He shoots a cop; they get caught. TITLE SCREEN. Honestly, the title screen in this is so amazing.

 

Jenny is sent by a judge to Pridemore reform school (which looks less like a school and more like a prison), where she is bunked with bully Charlie (Wendy O. Williams), terrorized by lesbian rapist Nurse Edna, and ultimately oppressed by the uncaring warden (played by Cybil Danning.... insert Howling II joke here).

 

 

The corruption is absolute and poor Jenny is thrust into a world of sadism, hopelessness, rape, and lingerie-clad inmates. It's typical of the genre, but it's good. Softcore nudity, wacky prison hijinks and off screen animal cruelty all lead to a very entertaining climax where the girls riot and liberate the prison. Even Wendy O.'s despicable character gets her redemption in these scenes, and they are epic.

 

Yet, as the chaos dies down, in the last reels, only Jenny gets to leave the school; maintaining that the prison is still up and running, despite the wholesale destruction of the compound by the livid inmates. Cybil Danning's Warden Sutter seemingly (as in, it's not brought up) survives the coup, so maybe that explains the abrupt and perplexing ending.

 

 

Reform School Girls works as both a parody of the women in prison genre and also as a genuinely quality exercise in the format. The Wendy O. songs are a welcome addition to the women's prison clichés, and the whole movie stinks with the rancid sweat of 80's nostalgia, even if you haven't seen it before. Tiffany Helm, the dancing goth chick from Friday the 13th V is in this as well. Oh, and as a side note, naked prisoners, forced to spread, are sprayed with DDT. I'll just end on that. 6/10

 

 

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987)

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987) (R) Dir. Deborah Brock
aka DON'T LET GO
90 mins.

The first Slumber Party Massacre is a feminist gem wrapped in a misogynistic bow. The sarcastic script was filmed so straight and grimly, that most people who watch it can't see beyond the veil. The second outing is no exception, well except for the straight and grimly part. This movie is much smarter than it ought to be.

The males in this movie are portrayed in a hilarious and yet disturbing manner, their seemingly juvenile antics hint (or more so shoot) at a perturbing dominative behavior in males, and, yet, these are the victims in the movie. How audiences do not see the feminist critique underlining this movie is beyond me; maybe it's the copious amounts of nudity.

 

 

Courtney the younger sister of the now hospitalized Valerie from the first film, is having odd nightmares. She keeps seeing this man with knives for fingers... nah, she sees a greasy, pompadoured cat in a leather jacket rocking a sweeeet drill-tipped guitar and singing rockabilly songs. She is, of course, mortified.

 

Courtney and her all-girl band Wednesday Weekend, head up to a condo to party and practice their set for the school dance. Along for the ride are three boys, including Rob Lowe's little brother as Courtney's love interest. As the weekend progresses, so do Courtney's visions, sparking the doubts of her friends and even the police as the product of an overactive imagination. Soon, however, Courtney's delusions start becoming real, and the movie becomes a stalk and slash musical.

 

 

That's right, a musical. The music is fun, and actually really good at points. The killer is a clear critique on the hypermasculinity of rock n' roll, complete with his oversized phallic drill guitar. No where near as good as the first, but the gore is decent, with a couple of scenes that really stand out. The ambiguous ending is interesting; those who are looking for a stronger continuity between this (campy and purposely cheesy) and the first (purposely dark) will have fun scratching their heads in wonder. Flaws? Absolutely, but overall, I really enjoyed it, and wished I had not be so off-put by the boxart as to have not seen it sooner. 6/10

 

 

WITCHCRAFT '70 (1970)

WITCHCRAFT '70 (1970) (X) Dir. Luigi Scattini and Lee Frost

aka THE OCCULT EXPERIENCE aka WHITE ANGEL... BLACK ANGEL

82 min.

 

 

What can I really say about this? Shitty, but beautifully filmed, edited, immersive and immensely entertaining. It's also 100% offensive and 100% Mondo. Paganism is a large umbrella term for a wide variety of practices, many of which this movie exploits, attacks, and laughs at. It pissed me off and that's a very beautiful thing. In the eyes of this film, everything is Satan. God Bless you, Witchcraft '70.

 

 

Like other Mondo films, the style of Witchcraft '70 is based on old wartime propaganda films. Footage is shown without much context, and the overdubbed narrator proceeds to fill in all of the "facts" rather than through conversation with the subjects themselves. The narrator cracks jokes and even outright laughs on occasion at the subjects' expense. The movie is not trying to educate its audience; its exploiting the religions shown in it to give the mainstream audience member a sense of shock and superiority. Oh, and tits. Wall to wall tits. 

 

 

We are treated to scene of macumba, Satanism, messianic stonerism, Wicca, Alex Saunders (blech), and others, performing "bizarre" rituals and exorcisms, which may have been shocking to Joe Blow back in 1970, but which are commonplace in the social parlance of today. Look at these fruity people and their loopy practices! Let's collectively point our fingers and chuckle at their deeply held beliefs!

 

It's ignorant, it's terrible, it's irresponsible and it's awesome. I hate it therefore I love it. This entire movie begs to be a Dubstep remix. Do it, someone, please! 5/10